I am missing two bras and I’m not happy about it.
They were supposed to arrive by USPS today, and they almost did. Instead, I received the box, which had been pried open, and the receipt. No bras in sight and--at the risk of over-sharing--those bad boys are hard to miss.
They are expensive, too. But so deeply committed to appearing “up to 1-3/4 inches smaller” am I that I gladly overpay. Besides, it would be selfish of me to complain. My bras’ work ethic is unparalleled. Theirs is no small job, my friends, and they do it uber-cheerfully.
As valuable as my bras are to me, I think they probably lack street value. So why the fuck would anyone steal them? And who would they give them to? It’s not like they’re one-size-fits-all. They barely fit me. [I refuse to wear the correct size; I can’t even say my correct size.]
Lucky for me, only the finest retailers can cater to my bra needs. These stores always stand behind their merchandise--even when it is stolen. So I'm getting two free replacement bras and free overnight shipping.
This time tomorrow, I’ll be riding high.
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