Let's make a deal

People wonder why I shop online for 95% of what I need or why, when I have errands to do away from home, I do them at the ass-crack of dawn--at breakneck speed. The answer is simple. It's self-preservation, because when I venture out into the world, I usually regret having done so.

This morning, I was in line at a neighborhood store when the woman in front of me turned around, made eye contact with me, then quickly did an about-face. She is a friend of a friend, and until a few years ago, she worked at a store I patronized somewhat regularly. We know each other. Not well, but certainly well enough for me to feel obligated to say "hi."

Here's the problem. She's inconsistent--what my aunt used to label "sometimey." Sometimes she greets me, sometimes she doesn't. I never know how to prepare. Today, had I known she was operating in snotty bitch mode, I could have skipped the pep talk I give myself whenever I run into someone unexpectedly: "Oh, fuck. There's (fill in name). Shit. Now I'll have to talk to (her/him). I should have fucking stayed home."

But, no. Moody McMental made me waste valuable energy I could have used to obsess about something really important, like why people feel compelled to whistle in public whenever I am within earshot.

So here's what I suggest. If you're one of those "sometimey" people, just scratch me off your list. Good mood or bad, don't talk to me. I promise to return the favor. With pleasure.