Santa Saws

I just received the most disturbing holiday card I have ever seen. It is a postcard with a picture of my cousin's two daughters, posed oh-so-carefully in a dreary wooded area. The oldest child is five. She's holding a chainsaw, staring down at it with utter fascination. So mesmerized is she that I'm relieved she doesn't know where I live.

Inches away, the younger daughter is sitting on a tree stump, sans chainsaw but wielding a substantial stick. She is only three years old but uber-intimidating. Clearly, what she wants most for Christmas is a small animal to beat the fucking life out of.

The little psychos are wearing matching jeans and white fleece hoodies, most likely from GapKids. On their feet: adorable pink and white polka-dotted wellies, the choice of juvenile delinquents everywhere.

"Enjoy the Holidays" is printed on the bottom of the card. I guess "Or Else" was cut off.