Fun with Tourette Syndrome

Disclaimer: I believe that Tourette Syndrome (TS) is a heinous disease and I couldn't feel sorrier for those who have it.

That said, let me state my thesis: People with TS should be barred from movie theaters.

Sorry.

Last weekend, I missed most of a movie because an older man with TS sat directly in front of me. (Okay, fine. That and my immaturity.) He didn't have the fun kind of TS characterized by random outbursts of curse words, so I wasn't tempted to befriend him. No, this guy had frequent vocal tics that I can best describe as gutteral gurgling, punctuated by burps. Also, he had a motor tic--sudden arm raises that reminded me of "Heil, Hitler" salutes.

The couple sitting next to him immediately slid over two seats. Like that was going to help. A woman seated in front of the TS guy turned around and screamed, "Would you just stop it?" Clearly, she lacked my insight and sensitivity.

I caught on to his TS gig fairly quickly and began laughing uncontrollably. I tried to do it really, really quietly, and I think I succeeded. But try keeping that shit up for an hour and a half. It's fucking exhausting.

Despite my best efforts, I could attend to little else besides his tics. I tried to focus on the movie but for the most part, I failed. I began timing the vocal tics and pretty soon, I was predicting their arrival with the precision of a Swiss clock. Trying to get the timing down on his arm tics? That part was hard.

Seriously? Has no one ever told him his tics are annoying? Does he not have a doctor...or a therapist...or an honest friend?

It could have been worse, I guess. Given that it is virtually impossible for me to go to a movie and not be annoyed by something, I left feeling like I got my money's worth in entertainment, even though I missed the movie.